I'm a Man! I'm 28!

You gotta play it safe around electricity, little buddy!

I can unequivocally state without hesitation, reservation, or hyperbole, that I... John Mills...part no. 3, part awesome... am probably the most talented handyman in the history of all men that were labeled as handy. At least the most handsome anyway.

You see, today, without even the slightest amount of assistance from another human soul, using only my sheer ingeniousness, good looks, and exemplary work ethic, I installed not 1...but 2 light switch dimmers in the house!

In addition, thanks to extraordinary and visionary leadership, in 1971 legislation was passed that provided me with a day off tomorrow. I will be building Beatrice a one-of-a-kind-garage-dog-kennel out of 2 x 4's, liquid nails, screws, tapcons, an olive, and a 9-iron. You will surely be updated with all its awesome gloriousness. Thank you 70's congressman for the day off - you are the bee's knees and the cat's pajamas all rolled into one.