What I do all day....

As many of you know, I now work for big brother. It is kind of a departure from life in the private sector or "real world" as the case may be, but I am learning to enjoy it. I am consistently surprised (an unexpectedly giddy) as a result of some of the "pep-talks" we get from management. That is not to say that they are necessarily bad pep-talks (though some do involve references to Captain Queeg...*) or that their intentions are misplaced, it's just that they seem to use a lot of exclamation points! And more than that, I feel like I am at an Obama rally half of the time. Can we get our cases out? Yes we can! Can we call meetings about meetings? Yes we can! Can we waste more taxpayer money? Yes we can!
*You had to look that up, didn't you? Exactly my point....

So anyway, I am trying to have some fun in my new working world. For instance, when I receive an email (true) that says: "Yes, this means you cannot even log on this weekend!!!! You may work on paper cases but you cannot log on, check email, or do anything with your computer. Just put a blanket over the screens to remind yourself not to log on!"** - I like to have some fun with it, and send an email back to the sender stating, "So, can I log onto my computer on Sunday?".
** I told you they like exclamation points!


OK, to the point of the post. Even though I never volunteered to be a part of such an awesome squad, I have somehow been put on this committee at work - The Sunshine Club - basically they send flowers when appropriate, plan parties (when appropriate), and waste time (always appropriate). Of course, they want me to be their leader - I am super fun. Anyway, the following was my introduction email to whole office. Yes, to Judges as well (I have no shame). Yes, the *'s were actually used... Sadly, nobody noticed my new title. Oh well, at least I got to use !!!!!!!!!!!!
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"SUBJECT: BEST NEWS EVER*...

I think I'll go for a walk outside now, the Sunshine [Club's] calling my name. Let me hear you now…**

Good afternoon everybody!

After an intense transitional meeting over sandwiches at Palmer's today, the new Sunshine Club Committee ("SCC") is ready to reign. Trevor, Suzanne, and I ran on a platform of awesome parties***, kindness, love, and fiscal responsibility. We promise that we won't disappoint!

However, in order to make our vision a reality, we need your support. As such, we need to collect some moola. Accordingly, we request 10 of your finest and freshest dollar bills to replenish our coifers [sic - yeah I am sic-ing myself]. Despite our best efforts, Trevor and I were unable to convince Suzanne to do all the dirty work, so you can give your money to any of us in the next couple weeks. Otherwise, our muscle (Suzanne) will have to hunt you down for it! If you did not give your $10 back in January, it would be awesome if you made your catch-up contributions at this time.

Per usual, while Trevor is off tilting at windmills and "looking the part," Suzanne and I will be doing the actual work for this organization. So, if you have any questions (I'm looking at you newbies!), know of a Sunshine-qualifying event, or if you would like to discuss the importance of advanced sabermetrics in baseball player performance analysis, please do not hesitate to contact us at your earliest convenience.

With your help, we have the ability to take can make the next 6 months the best ever! We can do it!

Warmest Regards,

The SCC in the 515.

John Mills
Attorney Advisor and Sunshine Club Czar

*Or that you will receive today…regarding the sunshine club.
**If a Brady Bunch reference doesn't bridge the gap for everybody in the office, then nothing can/will.
***The kind people will still be talking about in 20 years - like The Boston Tea, or Jose Canseco's Pool, Party"