My Buddy

It has been a horrible morning. Let me first say that I realize that in the grand scheme of things, my morning pales in comparison to dealing with loved ones' illnesses/accidents, financial strife/unemployment, etc... but this still weighs really heavy on my heart. Emotionally, I am an absolute wreck and am sick to my stomach. Sometimes, it really truly sucks to be an adult and have to make adult decisions - today was one of those days.

This morning, I returned Buddy to the shelter (no-kill) that we got him from two years ago. Unfortunately, Buddy has a fear/anxiety issue when it comes to strangers - and it makes him very aggressive toward people he doesn't know. We had a couple of set-backs with him this week in this regard that reinforced previously discussed concerns, and ulitmately we determined we can't keep making excuses for the behavior. We have tried obedience and behavior classes to no avail. What the issue comes down to for us is how would we live with ourselves if he actually bit somebody (especially given the fact that we know he has these issues)? That scenerio/possibility is something we couldn't live with. I honestly don't fear that he would have ever harmed Jack, but even the possibility of the thought of him snapping and hurting one of our friend's young children... it's a risk and road we don't want to go down. If he didn't have these fear/anxiety issues he would be the perfect dog, but that is just not the reality of the situation we are in.

No matter how much logic/reasoning there is behind the decision, I have no doubt that there will always be a part of me that thinks we could have done more - that we didn't try hard enough. It eats me up inside now, and I don't forsee it subsiding anytime soon.* Perhaps we could have kept him quarantined from the outside world/strangers. But that is no way for him to live; its no way for us to live - to constantly be in fear that our dog may attack our friends/family if we let him out of a cage? So I understand and believe in what we did this morning - it just doesn't make me feel any better.

*I am sure Beatrice will be depressed too, which will make me think about it again and start the whole cycle all over again.

I was hoping that this post would be theraputic in some way for me... sad to say it is not. I really do love Buddy and will miss him dearly. Hopefully (and prayerfully) the shelter can find him a wonderful home where he doesn't have to have any visitors/strangers sprung on him - he deserves it. I love you Buddy.